This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
