Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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