He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
