mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
