She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
