rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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