Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize