I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
