I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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