I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
