We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
