I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I AM VODKA MAN
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
COCAINE IS GR8
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
