I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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