After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am one with the molecules
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
