im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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