i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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