He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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