The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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