we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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