His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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