If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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