One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Come share oat with me in your robe
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
