I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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