i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize