Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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