I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize