I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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