2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
