scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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