I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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