then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
