My first STD was from a foam party
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
