just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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