I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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