Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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