Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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