Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
