forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
