just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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