I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am naked and annoyed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize