youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize