drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
