I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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