If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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