I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
