Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
