We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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