why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
