i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
