remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize