Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
