A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
as a side note pls kill me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
