Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
