Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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