so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
