if i can run in heels then i can drive
Your dad touched me again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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