if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize