I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i think i just lost a toe
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
