I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
