my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
