u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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