wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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