ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
