i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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